Local Woman Avenges Elderly Dog’s Euthanasia by Declaring War on Veterinarian
NAPERVILLE, IL — In a tragic yet meticulously choreographed act of vengeance, 32-year-old Ashley Mancuso reportedly avenged the euthanasia of her elderly Shih Tzu by stealing her veterinarian’s pets, infiltrating the clinic, and leaving a blistering 1-star Yelp review.
Ashley’s dog, Mitzy, had been her constant companion for 15 years. The two shared everything—vegan meals, matching outfits, a king-sized bed, and an Instagram account with over 12,000 followers under the handle @MitzyBitch.
But last week, tragedy struck when Mitzy was diagnosed with late-stage liver disease. Ashley insisted the diagnosis was “medically impossible given her low alcohol intake,” which she described as limited strictly to their Wine Wednesdays. “After nearly a decade of weekly Moscato over Friends reruns,” Ashley wrote in an Instagram caption, “Mitzy had developed the liver of a divorced Long Island aunt.” Mitzy’s doctor recommended euthanasia, but respecting the sanctity of her online community, Ashley conducted a poll on Instagram Stories to determine next steps.
Final results: 55% euthanasia, 24% a splish splash in the waters at the Sanctuary of Our Lady of Lourdes, 19% healing crystals and elderberry concentrate, and 2% “walk it off.”
Ashley accepted the will of the people and brought her dog to Halbrook Veterinary Care. Dr. Claire Halbrook reportedly conducted the procedure with gentle professionalism, whispering comforting words while acoustic Norah Jones played softly in the background. Ashley livestreamed the entire event for fans’ closure and a partnership deal with Euthasol®. On April 30, Mitzy was taxidermied and laid to rest in her Juicy Couture tracksuit (the one that “made her legs look good”) on the credenza in Ashley’s foyer.
Days later, Ashley was arrested and is currently being held on bail at the DuPage County Jail for what authorities are calling a “deeply unwell, if impressively coordinated” campaign to avenge Mitzy’s death. According to the arrest report, Ashley lured Dr. Halbrook and her husband away from their suburban home with free tickets to see Oppenheimer— bait she assumed them to be “callous enough to enjoy.” When the Halbrooks returned, they discovered their two cats and parakeet missing. In their place was a handwritten note that read: “Now you know how it feels.” They also found a list of Ashley’s demands written on stationery and placed in the litter box:
$10,000 for emotional damages
An Instagram apology post titled “I Failed Mitzy”
And for Dr. Halbrook to “put herself down with dignity—Norah Jones optional.”
The report also states that Ashley infiltrated the vet clinic, replaced the complimentary mints with laxatives, and reprogrammed the lobby iPad to play a slideshow of Mitzy’s best runway looks, titled “Murderer of Joy: A Veterinary Reckoning.”
While in custody, Ashley maintained her innocence—citing the fact that witnesses described her appearance as “Boho Chic” when, in her words, “any idiot would identify my look as Cottagecore.”
From her holding cell, after completing her scathing Yelp review of Halbrook Veterinary Care, Ashley began planning Mitzy’s funeral, scheduling it for Memorial Day weekend because it was, in her words, “fitting,” “conducive to an Indian wedding style of funeral,” and “when [her] hot yoga trainer would be free.”
In lieu of flowers, the invitation noted that Mitzy would have appreciated donations toward Ashley’s bail.